I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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