Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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