So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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