32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
