I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize