you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Everything about him screamed your future.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
