wanna go halves on a baby?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
