forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
