tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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