9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
