4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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