You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
