You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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