Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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