Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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