i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
