Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
