Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
