Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
