I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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