Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Bring me that man meat
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
