they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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