Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
