In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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