Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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