pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
