Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
