god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
