Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
