I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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