I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
