just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
