You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
