I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
