fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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