oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
