My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize