dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
