my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
whose ass print is on the piano?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
