Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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