You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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