Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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