I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Congratulations! We have a period
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