I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My cat gives me a boner
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
