I'm going to jail i love you
Someone shit on the floor
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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