she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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