Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
