i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
no, he came in my armpit
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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