we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
