is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
