I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
