I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
