I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
