Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
