Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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