Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
