No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize