I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
