she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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