That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
