She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
