Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
