Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
