I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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