Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
