i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
