the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
