Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
