the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
