the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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