Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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