Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
