Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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