Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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