She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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