You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
