oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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