I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
