I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
