well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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