GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
