guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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