Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
