my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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