and you said cock pushups were impossible
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
