Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
