I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
