That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
